Barrie Qualle mug

Visiting with some local ranchers one day the discussion turned to environmentalist movements and how maybe we had been insensitive to some of the aims and goals of most of the movements. After pondering on this and downing a couple of sensitivity-inducing cocktails we decided that maybe we should get involved.

Rather than join one of the more trendy movements, we thought: Why not start our own? Picking a project took a couple more drinks and as they worked their creative magic we started working on our goals. The parameters were that the project had to be eco-friendly and soothe the sensitivities of the local population. If we could personally benefit financially it would be a plus and make us like the other movements.

We poured another dose of sensitivity and thought about what bothered us, environmentally speaking. After discarding a few marginal ideas we hit upon an idea we could be passionate about: Our beautiful sunrises and sunsets were being ruined by the contrails of high-altitude commercial jets. My view of the Seven Devils and the beautiful clear sky with lit-up cloud formations was being criss-crossed with jet contrails and ruining the sunrises to the point that it affected my attitude for the entire day. One rancher was having his sunset view scarred by the same problem and was having the pleasure of his cocktail hour diminished and he is pretty sure it has elevated his blood pressure and caused occasional constipation. He pointed out that since a lot of the sky affected was over wilderness areas, we probably had a case, and you know how the Forest Service likes rules.

Now if you live in California and have to view the horizon through Beijing-scale smog and are constantly in view of gang graffiti on everything from boxcars to building walls, you probably are insensitive to our movement. Those of us living in a pristine, clean valley are more delicate concerning our visual sensibilities. It should not be asking too much of airlines to fly around our area and cease marking up our sky. Cloudy days would be exempt as would non-moonlit nights. Of course military flights would be exempt also.

Now comes the part where we are most like other environmental movements. To enforce these ideals, members of the movement (sky police) would photograph any offending contrails on their smart phone and email it with a time stamp to a clearinghouse that would identify and fine the offending airline. The member sending the evidence would get a portion of the fine and the rest would be paid to the movement founders (me). Fines would be doubled during sensitive times such as cocktail hour from 3 p.m. till darkness, and morning coffee time from sunrise till 9 a.m. There should be a seasonal surcharge of 25 percent during summer and fall.

Now this is starting to shape up to be a viable environmental movement that rids the local sky of unsightly and disturbing contrails, hereafter referred to as Sky Graffiti. Of course like most movements, we could be induced to forget about the insensitivity of the airlines and go away if a large settlement was paid to the founding members (again, me).

Hope to be set up to accept donations soon.

Joke of the month: Dan suddenly realized his wife had fallen off of her horse. This was a great relief to him as about an hour earlier he thought he had gone deaf.

Open Range columnist Barrie Qualle is a working cowboy in Wallowa County.