What We’re Into

Published 3:00 am Monday, December 30, 2024

If you’re the sort of mechanic who’s convinced that most balky parts can be revived with a solid smack from a hammer, you’ll probably enjoy the TV series “Roadworthy Rescues.”

I am, and I do.

Derek Bieri, who hosts the show on the MotorTrend TV network, is obviously a skilled mechanic.

He replaces engines and rebuilds suspensions and takes on other automotive tasks that require a deft touch.

But Bieri will swing a sledge if the job seems to call for a less subtle technique.

I came across his show a year or so ago.

At first, I figured “Roadworthy Rescues” was merely the latest in a litany of predictable, scripted shows in which mechanics repair or modify vehicles.

But less than halfway through the first hour-long episode I realized I was mistaken.

As the second word in the title suggests, Bieri doesn’t work on rigs that are in relatively good shape.

He chooses vehicles that likely would have been plundered for parts and then crushed if only somebody had remembered where they had been parked.

Bieri plucks his projects from overgrown fields and decrepit sheds where they have been peacefully rusting for years and, in some cases, for multiple decades.

The premise is simple — can he get a long-abandoned car running again?

Bieri, unlike hosts of many similar shows, isn’t interested in creating a car worthy of competing in a show.

He usually ignores dents and peeling paint and other exterior flaws.

He’s more inclined to hide rotting upholstery with a $10 seat cover (after removing mouse and yellowjacket nests, in many cases) than to spend thousands on new seats.

I especially enjoy the first half of episodes, when Bieri tries to get a car running. He employs all manner of unorthodox tactics — he pours gas into carburetors, rigs temporary fuel tanks consisting of 5-gallon plastic cans attached to the front fender with duct tape and affixes batteries with bungee cords.

Bieri is not fancy.

He splashes antifreeze and spills considerable quantities of transmission fluid and motor oil.

He seems not to own gloves.

Bieri, who is listed as the series’ writer, also has a homespun lexicon redolent of country garages where baling twine is as important as a torque wrench.

A carburetor is a “fuel-make-it-happener.”

Spark plugs are “sparkalators,” distributors are “lightning whirlers” and brake fluid is “pimp juice.”

Nor are his colloquialisms limited to car parts.

“Cold snacks,” in Bieri-speak, is beer.

The fourth season of “Roadworthy Rescues” premiered in early December.

Earlier episodes are replayed frequently on MotorTrend TV.

Bieri’s projects include a 1928 Ford Model A, a 1966 Pontiac Tempest, a 1951 Chevrolet Deluxe and less obvious choices such as a DeLorean and a 1950 Ford 8N tractor.

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