Be careful about leaving your roof outside. That’s the latest lesson I’ve learned the expensive way. The previous covering on my log cabin had been patched over the years with enough different colors of shingles that it was beginning to look something like those barn quilt patterns, except not attractive. The old roof never leaked because I crawled up there each time the wind made off with a patch of shingles. Finally I got tired of our little game, decided the wind had won and it was time to upgrade.

I decided to go with metal in the interest of never having to touch a piece of asphalt composition roofing shingle again so long as I live. My plan was to do the new roof before summer and that didn’t happen. Friends asked how my roofing project was going and I’d say, Oh, pretty good. It’s sitting in my yard so it’s one step closer. I’ll get to it one of these days.

That day was the other day when all-star friends Todd Kruger, Justin Bohannon and Hal Morello got talked into helping with the project. Some people will do anything for pizza, lemonade and watermelon. Other friends donated ladders, roof jacks, nail guns, warnings and advice. So we were all set. Tore off half the roof and things were going swell. Spirits were high. We were ready to screw on pretty sheets of new metal when I heard, “Uh, Jon …” in a tone that was not the good kind of tone.

The top sheet looked just like a piece of metal roof, but all the sheets underneath had an orange peel look about them or bubbles in the paint. When you rubbed it with your finger the paint came right off. Now, I’m no roofing expert, but I was pre-e-e-e-tty sure this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

For those of you already familiar with the condition known as “wet stack,” I hope you learned about it in an offhand way, rather than my introduction to the subject, which was hearing about it over the phone while the Wallowa mountains began to swim in my vision as my eyesight shut down and I could hear fuses pop in my brain while I did some quick math and carried the zeros on how much I couldn’t afford this.

Metal roofing is delivered banded together with plastic strips, which hold things together real tight. So tight, it turns out, that if rain gets introduced to the pile, moisture wicks in and through a process known as somehow, the premium paint technology with superior color retention (quoting from the brochure here) peels right off.

I’ve been conducting a poll of everybody who can understand me through all the sobbing about whether they’ve ever heard of such a thing. Two out of a bunch of people had. One a building contractor, the other a rancher. Both seemed confused why I didn’t know this because they say the roofing comes with a sticker on it warning of such a thing. I would have paid extra to have a notice like that on my roofing. I could have paid as much as it will cost to replace the whole pile and still come out even.

So here’s my public service announcement for do-it-yourself homeowners with an eye on installing a new metal roof. Do not. Repeat. Do not leave your new roofing sitting in your yard unless you pop the bands and separate each sheet so it can breathe comfortably. You may think, hey, a roof is made to be outside. Silly. Either put that stuff on right away or pop the bands and separate each sheet, making sure the wind doesn’t blow it away. Better yet, stack your new roof under another roof, which is where my ruined roof now lives. This has been a public service announcement by the Don’t Do It Like That Yourself Network.

It’s a good thing I saved all that money doing it myself. Yeah. Good thing. By the way, anyone seen the weather forecast?

Jon Rombach is a local columnist for the Chieftain and owner of a scrap yard for new metal roofing.