photo John McColgan, author of the recently published "Where ever The Truth Might Lie," will hold a book signing Sunday, Feb. 19, from 1 to 4 p.m. at Arrowhead Chocolate shop in Joseph.

Apologies to non-sports fans. Shorthand necessary. No room to explain names. TMI. Word limit for article.

Author = Patient (n) / Lunatic. Wife = patient (adj) Caretaker. Sports-related illness/disability first contracted in New England, summer/fall, 1967.

Scene of recent outbreak: Home for Dysfunctional Sports Lunatic, Joseph, Oregon. Date: October 13, 2013.

Author seated at computer in office, devouring streaming updates from nfl.com on Patriots/Saints game, regretting being too cheap to buy NFL Sunday Ticket. Simultaneously watching final minutes of Seahawks/Colts game on television in office. Wife (genuine Seahawks fan) watching same game on television in living room, quietly (mostly), while crocheting. Wife within shouting distance, but Author usually only one shouting.

Seahawks game winding down, lead appears safe. Patriots game too close for comfort. 8½ minutes left. Brees engineers drive, mostly running plays, eats 4½ minutes of play clock. 1st and 10 on NE 24. Holding penalty, Saints. Two incomplete passes. Patriots linebacker Mayo injured on play. Lunatics expletives deleted. 3rd and 20. Brees to Stills, corner end zone. Touchdown, Saints. More expletives deleted. Extra point good, Saints lead, 24-23. 3:29 remaining.

Patriots possession. One completion, 4-yard gain. Two drops. 4th and 6, on NE 24. Belichick rolls dice, goes with pass. Another drop. Saints get ball back with 2:46 remaining.

4-yard run. 1st NE timeout. 1-yard loss. 2nd NE timeout. Payton bets on Brees. Incomplete pass. Clock stops. Field goal, Saints lead, 27-23. 2:24 remaining.

Lunatic (yelling to Caretaker): Theres still time left! Great clock management by Belichick. Caretaker (who couldnt care less now that Seahawks game is over, still crocheting, safely in living room): Thats nice, Honey.

Kickoff, touchback. 1st down. Brady goes long. Interception. NO!!! More expletives deleted. Lunatic: Thats it, I think we just lost. Caretaker: Thats too bad, Honey.

But wait! 2:16 remaining. Saints ball. 2-yard run, 3rd NE timeout. 1-yard run, 2-minute warning. Lunatic: Hey, Brady might still get the ball back! 3rd down, botched bootleg, 5-yard loss. Punt.

Patriots possession, ball on NE 30, 1:13 remaining. Three straight completions, two incompletions, with accompanying cheers and howls from Lunatic. 4th and 4, 24 seconds left, pass complete to Collie. 1st down on NO 17. Brady spikes ball. 10 seconds left. Brady to Thompkins, corner end zone. TOUCHDOWN! Lunatic officially certifiable! Point after good. Kickoff, Saints fumble on return salt in wound. Patriots win, 30-27! Wow!

Later same day, still in office. Red Sox/Tigers, second game of ALCS. Sox down, 1 game-0. Computer on mlb.com, just to confirm accuracy of umpire strike calls. Lunatic in Red Sox shirt, never missing a pitch, watching game on Fox. Caretaker still crocheting in living room, not watching game.

Red Sox down 5-0, 2 outs, bottom 6. Victorino breaks up Scherzers no-hitter with flair to left. Pedroia follows with Green Monster double, Victorino scores. Lunatic celebrates. Ortiz strikes out. Brief sadness ensues.

Mental rally follows. Thought occurs: Theres no clock in baseball. If Brady can do it with just over a minute left, how hard is it to come back from 5-1? Answer, seventh inning: Pretty hard, against Scherzer. Red Sox go down 1, 2, 3.

Bottom 8. Veras replaces Scherzer. Red Sox Nation feels new hope. One out, Middlebrooks doubles. Another pitching change. Ellsbury walks, new pitcher. Victorino fans. Sigh. Pedroia singles. Bases loaded. Closer Benoit comes in to face Ortiz. Lunatic paces office. First pitch changeup, outside edge of plate. Line drive deep to right. Hunter flips over short fence trying to make catch. Iconic shot of cop in bullpen with arms raised victoriously, mirroring Hunters legs as he somersaults into bullpen. GRAND SLAM! Big Papi strikes again! Game tied!

Lunatic: Ortiz freaking did it! (Actual quote, no expletive deleted.) Caretaker (still crocheting in living room): Thats nice, Honey.

Bottom 9. Gomes singles, goes to 2nd on throwing error. Wild pitch. Wild Lunatic! Gomes to 3rd. Salty singles through 5-6 hole. Gomes scores! Red Sox win 6-5! Red Sox players charge field to mob Salty. Lunatic certification confirmed! Bedlam throughout Red Sox Nation!

Okay, I know it loses a little in translation, but it was awesome! Trust me. A day New England fans will never forget!

John McColgan wrote his Honors Thesis in Government in 1977 at the College of William and Mary on the subject of fanaticism in mass movements. He has been conducting personal research and experimentation on sports fanaticism since the Impossible Dream season of 1967.